I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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