Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
