is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I pour the whiskey from now on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
