He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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