you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
