My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
