Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
