we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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