Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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