They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
