what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
