Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
