tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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