I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
