why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
