party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry my hands just texted you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
