we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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