Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
