who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
