i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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