just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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