I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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