Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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