She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize