We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
