i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
