Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
