all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
