Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
