the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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