There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
