Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
