y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
