The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
