Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
