i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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