my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
