shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
