Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
