Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
thus making me awesome and them whores
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
