So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
