Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
