how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
