I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
