saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
