I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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