Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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