turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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