I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
