i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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