he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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