it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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