I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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