break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
