A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
