you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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