he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
