you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
