her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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