you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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