:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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