I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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