He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
