I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
